1. |
i wanna see
04:50
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up through the ceiling, in and out of the clouds, up to the moon, blue-gold in my mouth, i can feel the whole world glowing and gleaming inside me but what was i doing?
can't you see who you're hurting?
but the air swallowed my breathing as i tore down the walls i built around me. my heart was always bleeding, just sometimes you couldn't see it through my chest
again, again, again, again, lift up your chalices
i reached out my hand and opened all my arms and i felt you in him i knew how much it meant to be vulnerable again and i swear i saw him there - his shape behind the rays of a heater mounted to the walls of a high ceiling cathedral and i wish i could've stayed a little bit longer, at least to know his name, or maybe see his face...
but i woke up in your room.
candlelights fade and flicker warmth across your face.
you were my everything to lose,
and i thought, no, i knew-
i found god in you.
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2. |
hi serena 2
01:41
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my body is a machine
i will teach it to work for me
i am drowning in an opal sea
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3. |
alkina
04:07
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when the sky is opened and we can see the scripts to the films we've been writing, could all of our souls slip out of our bodies without any great reckoning or dividing? we'll pack ourselves into a big dining room and fly our gold mansion up to the moon where we'll dig a hole right through the sediment, a place we can rest all our discarded spirits.
we’ll lie awake in our rocky roof in the grand arcade of our hollow moon and we’ll wait for them in our sleeping bags and they’ll pat our backs and
kiss us goodnight but-
o! the things we could see! great banners of blue light and entropy!
and o! what could we see? nothing more absurd than you and me!
we'll light the dust on fire and spin in its glow. we'll breathe inside each other until there's nowhere left to go.
and we'll dance with our arms interlocked and we'll climb into Luna through a hatch in the rock and once we've all gleered at the glimmering sun, we'll teach every ounce of the world how to love and watch all ourselves twist together into one body - we just want to be better!
o! what could it mean to be alive in the great wide everything!
o! who could it be waiting at the edge of eternity?
I want to love unconditionally, regardless of matter, light, or energy. there's so much still to see and there's a world and it sits borderless, streaming with light and there's no gods there to define us and we're human in every right
-
and we'll slide down a moonbeam and hope that the sky lets us in before it closes again.
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4. |
calvary in my dreams
05:59
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o dmitry, tell me who built your cross. was it a great big pine tree or the fuller of god that sucked on your neck until you were nothing at all? did you see the aureole when you were wading in uglichan shoals?
now smile for the monitor and sing for your life souls bouncing through the fairgrounds o'er federal pantomime i've tried to sneak by my love in the ocean, brunette soaked in brine but she became all i could see as i played a shadow in the back of my dream and the fishers caught sirens in nets on the beach while my baby was flying through vistulan steam and the village was happy with something to eat but they never understood what makes man, what makes meat, and they'll love you and they'll praise you - let your martyrdom soar! but at least baby jesus knew who he died for.
pool of light on the ceiling, streaked with moondust and glint, tell me, who should i pray to? where does the transience end? spindly arms laid in puddles, specters with wickerwork hands, lay me out on the table or leave me in the sand. cloudy strands of indifference snake through the tinsel mountains, shoot me up to arcturus or bury me with boaz.
hold me close, hold me true in your chest, gold and blue. you can cage me if you want to, i have nothing else to do - but o, am i in love if that's all i have to do. my moon conducts the anxiety that the wailing tides diffuse.
but whether i'm red or ivory and blue, why should anybody love me if there's no more breathing left to do?
o dmitry, let me see through your eyes, be it the stars that you climb or the rainbows you slide down to where no one speaks at all.
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5. |
lavagirl 46:58
01:56
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is the grass all still green underneath the snow?
can my heart still be red after you covered it with gold?
don't expect things to come when they won't.
don't expect me to come through, i won't.
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6. |
i can't promise anything
00:33
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let me be the thing that you need
roll off your bed and pray to me
i'll love you to the best of my ability (abilities?) (agility?)
but i can't promise anything
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7. |
nothing nothing nothing
08:55
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walk right through me and i'll pretend to feel you leave
-
i scoured all the stores for sequins and pleather so i could tear myself apart in harsher weather i built myself a brand new heart of leather-hard argil it crackled and it faltered and my skin did crumble i flew up past the ceiling fan to sing to the angels but none of them could stand my voice and i got to see the holy fire opening (at least for a second) glorious but unnerving.
i trapped myself in time to slick past the distance but amber couldn't hide my nerves and now i'm indifferent i ran across the riverbed with each step i sunk in and the fossils swallowed my legs up before i stopped moving i can't see past the fog but light still filters in and every once in a while my eyes are still burned by the sun, she glared at me - glorious but uneasy. come apart inside me!
-
o, what did i mean when i said i heard the wind howling your name?
what did i mean when i said i rose up through the ceiling?
o! what does it mean to be trapped inside this ephemerality?
o, o, o, everything good runs away from me.
o! what did you mean when you wrote that your body was a machine?
what did you mean when you said that you loved me?
there's moments of good, but they're all fleeting, and they're hiding between the dull nothings. they're wine-drunk smiles and clear clear nights where i can pretend i understand what i write but everything else is black and white then blue-gold to grey then black and white
every once in a while, i can see you and you can see me.
[i slipped through your skin, warm and soft, but dry, begging for your attention or just begging to go outside, scratching at the screen door to go play in the mud, i slipped through your skin and swam in your blood.]
-
walk right through me and i'll pretend to feel you leave
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8. |
super hit
08:07
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i.
i fell in love with a ghost, tearing a hole inside me, haunting and singing in all i was dreaming, pulling me down to the sea
she took me down to the sand and buried me with all the ships before running across the pink sky with my hand in her heart - it broke! it broke! it broke! it broke!
but i climbed out of the wailing ocean's mouth and its teeth fell out once it saw the sun's hot ground.
ii.
-i am the wind that blows
-and i am the seeds they sow
-and i am the trees they grow
-and i am the wind that blows
and i know that wind will blow! and i know that trees will grow through heartache and sunburn, we'll merge together. we'll sleep through the winter and fall in love in the dawn.
we are planets, we are the stars.
iii.
all hail eternal something!
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9. |
hi sean 2
02:09
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one day all of your arteries will get tangled in the trees and they'll pop one by one until you rain down on me but until then i'll be better i'll learn to carry that weight, make sure to brush my teeth and try to stand up straight and when my heart turns to rivers i'll swim against the wailing tides up to my calcite tower in the mountain side and through its window i'll look out at everyone i've ever met and i'll see how i treated them and where they went but since i'm far too dumb to see such terrible sights, i'll turn to the mirror and i'll close my eyes and in my head i'll see every flower i let die on my shelf and i'll see all the stupid words i let fall out of my mouth because i am awful and i am ugly, fragile minds breed fragile bones, i fucked the fog before i learned to love but i, i am a band of unwavering light.
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10. |
thank you
01:49
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nevermind the machines, we all share the same body in this blue-gold vernality!
nevermind the machines, we hold each other so sweetly
every once in a while i can see you, and you me.
-
i hope there's a woman inside of me
hope is a woman inside of me
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11. |
i wanna be an angel
08:55
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stop fighting! we all share the same body and we need to climb on each other's backs to get out, but how can i love in a world so fleeting? by the time i make up my mind i'm on the ground.
how can i write the same song a dozen times but still not get it right no matter how hard i try?
would i write the same song a thousand times if i can't get it right, no matter how hard i tried?
roll of thunder hear me out, i'm sorry if my voice is too loud, but if i stand up one more time i'll never get another chance to lie down. how could i have lived and not seen who i was hurting? i want to love beyond my body but how can i live if nobody's praying to me?
how can i live in a world so fleeting?
is there any hope for escape from this ephemerality?
somewhere in my bones there's a better me.
o, i wanna be an angel
[every once in a while, my life is like a movie and the sky is blue and gold and there’s sunlight filtering down through the trees, and every once in a while my life is a love story and you’re the only thing that matters and the only future that matters to me is now and every once in a while i am an artist and i’m able to push just one thing of worth i out of my dumb, stupid mouth and every once in a while i can see you and the whole world shooting through the stars, maybe that’s peace, but that’s what i want.]
we have no need to fear each other,
o! how i'd love to stay together,
and though it is selfish, i still want to be better.
o, i wanna be an angel.
how can i love if nobody's praying to me?
how can i love in a world so fleeting?
hope is a woman inside of me.
i hope there's a woman inside of me.
we'll tear down all of our flags
until there's nothing, nothing to separate us.
my body, i will tea
but i'm not drowning!
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12. |
blue-gold ephemeral
01:52
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visions of softness and warmth that doesn’t dry out my skin - honest bodies move in time - what could it mean to love for my whole life?
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sean thornton Queens, New York
22 they/them nyc
sean thornton recommends:
soundcloud 2020-2023
by new energy
rory gets it like no one's ever gotten it before
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summit / cheek
by Jackson Resnick
jackson is my war buddy and helped mix and master perfect forever and obviously knows what's up
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Into The Glow
by Michael Haggerty
mike is very very very talented and has helped me tremendously with production with my earliest recordings and i miss him and owe him the world
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