1. |
ghost of christmas past
01:26
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i'm only haunting myself and taking it out on everyone else !!!!
i'm only wandering around closed-eyed and open-mouthed !!!
o! my lips aren't flooding anymore! there's no love hanging around!
but i'm not dying anymore! my heart is staying in my chest! o! sean!
- you'll see the people you knew but they won't see you. o seanuh! o! seanuh!
- you'll see the people you knew but they won't see you. o seanuh! o! seanuh!
- why did u go there anyway?
- why did u go there anyway?
- the highway isn't singing to you.
- why did u go there anyway?
- why did u go there anyway?
- you know that that's not good for u
i want to feel alone
- you're just pretending.
- you're just pretending.
melodrama, melodramuhhhhh
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2. |
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there is silence, and its hiding in the corners of my room. in every line that i write, i am refusing to write the word "you". i'm gonna be harmless. this year i'm gonna be formless. this year i wanna stay naked ! i am not dependent, i am not nostalgic, i am my very own person !
-
i want to protect everyone—no one gets hurt except for me!
cover myself in glitter and get drunk—and i get drunk so easily!
how do i get, get, get to heaven from pennyslvania?
how do i get, do i get to heaven from pennsylvania?
i am not dependent, i am not hard-to-get, i am my very own person!
i am not nostalgic, i am not ??? i am not a person
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3. |
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knotted hair, balloons caught in the trees.
when they lose their air, they'll fall to the street and i will pop them unless they learn to worship me.
o! fear is my identity!
there's no love and there's no fantasy!
i willn't sit in my complacency!
i won't endure my lack of agency!
i am gone —
but i will find you when the hands strike one o'clock.
lipstick on, face painted white, i was your wife but when i felt myself my fingers turned to salt!
o! fear is my identity!
only god himself could handle me!
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4. |
3 haikus
01:35
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nobody will ask
for you to roll up your pants
and show them your scars
walk, snowy and dark
past the fountain and people
you see the silence
the ivy is dead
look out at the scaffolding
august forever
(the flowers are dead, the flowers are dead, the flowers are dead)
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5. |
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what will become of me when i let myself stop crying?
when i finally wake up, alive in a wholly different body?
i know there is hope, as much as i try to refuse it,
i can't die on this hill, i can't die on this hill.
-o baby, you need to stop crying, the blood on your legs is a little less than charming.
-o baby, if you want to feel pretty, you need to paint your face and head back to the city.
i can't die on this hill as much as i want to. tomorrow morning will always exist. i am happy.
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6. |
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waiting forever for some great disaster to pay attention to me
seanuh, stop crying. o sean, won't you stop wallowing? you're the master of your own pain and in that, there's power; that isn't salt—that is cocaine
wait a second and it will all come to you! it's true! it will be ok
i found my disaster, i lost all the progress i foolishly thought i had made
but hope is nonlinear and progress in inevitable! i might be further along than i think!
i'll wake up tomorrow, show all my friends i'm powerful! i'm strong! i can think!
wait a second and it will all come to you it's true! it will be ok
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7. |
i willin't complain
01:41
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i'm not sure how much of this is substantial. i'm still starving and i'd probably still swerve my car the same way if given the chance. not all action is action, just as not all formlessness is profound, i mean just listen to the noise behind me. the sound is EMPTY. i know that i'm moving, and i know that i'm moving forward, but it can be hard to see the change when it happens this slow. i guess that's what i'm trying to do—i'm trying to see the change, and let it be, let it be. no more reaching, no more touching. our haunted bodies started moving in opposite directions. there's no golden—all is vanity and therefore all is nothing. i will hold the ashes but i will not complain; it's christmas morning.
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sean thornton Queens, New York
22 they/them nyc
sean thornton recommends:
soundcloud 2020-2023
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Into The Glow
by Michael Haggerty
mike is very very very talented and has helped me tremendously with production with my earliest recordings and i miss him and owe him the world
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