"me and the band broke up" - i am small, let me have that. i want to fuck up until i can't move anymore, o, let me fuck up until i can't move anymore, o baby - i want to be your baby. i want to live inside your stomach and twist around until i can't remember my name. i can't remember my name. if everyone has it, then how could i love it? i've been describing the grass a lot recently. i am filth if filth had a body. ------------------------- who owns my body? tell me who'll take my body when my hair falls out and i leave town? i want you to hold me and i want you to hurt me! throw me off your lap! i want to finally crash. you have a voice you have a body close your eyes and let the softness walk along you but you know that it's so fleeting when it rolls across your tongue there's no silence in your breath - come on and listen to that hum focus on the pain - squint hard enough to see it - once softness finds your palms, you need to try and dive inside it you're sitting in the armchair, july 2017, english subtitles on, you close your eyes and see that tree. this isn't any different - it never had to be. (there are holes in my mouth)much less of a cute story but you need to learn to see i forgot that it was fleeting when i rolled across you tongue able to forget that i was breathing - able to forget what i had done i found my devotion, i thought i found my god, but everything is fleeting, that which i worship turns to dust i forgot that i was ugly, i forgot that i was dumb, i forgot i hate my body, i even forgot what a body was now i can’t feel his touch- maybe it was never even there at all. no heart, no faith, no love, not even lust anymore! i thought i saw you walking last night when i was drunk. i think i heard you in the wind, i must reiterate that i was drunk! but now the streets are all but empty and the piano isn’t clipping - get rid of all that bullshit singing! do you even know what you’re saying? can’t you see who you're hurting? is there a world outside my god? i want the smoke back and i want to sleep under your bed and talk to you when i walk home in the morning! i want the smoke back and i want my life back! i want to wake up and reach for you! please tell me there's a world outside my god! is there a world outside my god? is there a world outside my god? when can i ____ myself? is there a world outside my god? is there a world outside my god? (sean! can't you see anything?) is there a world outside my god?

i want to tear myself into muscles and scratch away all my skin. when we danced around the room and i fell on top of you, my power-swollen veins grew sick. this is closeness - let it rest on your lips. this is closeness - feel it dig with its hips. i tore myself into silence when i was lying on your bedroom floor. wand'ring across the streets, my drunk head filled with heat, but my guilt-starving bones were satisfied. this is closeness- feel your whole body twitch. this is closeness - find the pain and live in it. can't you see just how sick you were? a fantasy is not a fantasy if there's a victim. can't you see just how sick you are? your body is not your body. you're not harmless anymore. ----------------- this is closeness - feel the guilt on your lips. this is closeness - fuck the fog before you kiss. “wash the smoke out of your hair. you’re beautiful, so unaware, and i’m so very scared of what i know you can do to me. everything had come to life and now i’m nothing” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i am small, let me have that. i want to fuck up until i can't move anymore, o, let me fuck up until i can't move anymore, o, BABY! I WANT TO BE YOUR BABY! i want to live inside your stomach and twist around until i can't remember my name. i can't remember my name, o, if everyone has it then how could i love it? she asked "what if i said 'they'?" "i want you to feel powerful without feeling naked." i said "what does it matter what you call me? there's nothing i can do to stay comfortable in my body. it doesn't hurt enough to warrant any direct action." it's just a slow burn at night because i know - i know that it will never happen, o, it will never happen. when i grow up, i'll be a woman in heaven, when i grow up i'll be your girlfriend. it will never happen, o, it will never happen. when i grow up, i'll be a woman in heaven, when i grow up i'll be your girlfriend. it will never happen, my body is a prison and i'll live in it until it kills me so when i die, i'll learn to be pretty, o- it will never happen, this city is a prison but i have to live in it to make them happy and when i die i'll learn to start living. it could never ever be, but the hope dug a hole in me. when i die, i'll strangle god until he gives me what i want- i want to be pretty there is a hope and it burns all day it's not always physical and it doesn't always stay but if you want it, i promise you can find it and i promise it's already waiting for you if you want the world, you can have it. if you want your body you can have it. if you want the world, you can have it. if you want to take back your body, fucking take it. this is closeness - you don't always have to touch it. this is closeness - so you don't always have to fear it. i can't forget the life we lived but we can lift up our chalices o there is a life we lived lift up your chalices! take back the life we lived when you were my holy spirit