1. |
december prelude
01:59
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2. |
silence, parts 1 and 3
04:24
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i. silence rises over the hill and lifts its empty hands to the sky. clouds swerve and break to avoid it steady hand, but we, the people reach up to shake it.
we came from the silence, so we listen to it, we built it a living monument, and we elected it president. as long as we stay silent, no one will never hurt us. we will be protected by the wind the blows between us. forever left in silence, we will never leave it. we'll hide behind wind squalls and half-assed smiles. since we all stay silent, only the angels hear us, and we remain complacent with the holes inside our stomachs. all we know is silence, so all our faiths stay bloodless. we endure the howling by hiding our ears. our prophets all stay faceless, true heroes all die nameless, trepid and deflated are the bones beneath our faces.
iii.
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3. |
silence, part 8
02:41
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vii. we'll stop crying, and we'll let fear win. we'll patch up all our paranoid hearts, brick by brick. but we can't cry, this is exactly what we wanted. we turned washington into hollywood but racist and oligarchic, and we are afraid again, and we are filled with hate again, and what if i have to kill again, for a god and a state that i don't believe in? there will be no other options, even if you send all of your prayers in, your god can only do so much of our fighting. we can swim the entire ocean with our mouths dripping uranium, and we can kill every last one of them before we get to know them.
but what would this fix if not our ruthless government? i'd feel much safer under a system that never justified death.
(...)
we are afraid again, and i am filled with hate again. i want to suck again. i want to love again.
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4. |
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arms blow back in the wind. kneel down, my love, repent, you haven't sinned yet.
i think i heard you in the wind. my heart was too cold to refuse to let you in, so i made you of the echoing wind.
when the moon disappears and the streetlights all rest, while knotted bodies twist and turn in their beds, i walk fast, i walk swift under a sky filled with red, casting shadows of worms and snakes in the cracks, psyching myself out and bringing myself back, worthless winter, you fortify my grasping stomach! now, my ankles are cold, my arms buried snow, i would be nothing if not for that sound.
i believe in the dirt, i believe in the ground, i believe in the trees, i believe in the clouds, as i walk through the snow, the wind imitates the sound of your voice, and it rolls through me.
the blistering air dug a hole in my ear, so i shoved you in there to see what i could hear, but there was nothing but the usual ringing. there was nothing in the sound.
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5. |
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everybody disappears in the winter. everybody keeps away from everyone else. it's ok, i understand, it's hard to be awake when the sky's so grey, but why would the moon hide her face from me?
everybody disappears in the winter. we all lie in bed and watch all of the trees decompose. it's ok, i understand, there's something so lonely about the cold, but why would even the moon need to be alone?
lift us up, our steady arms, into the clouds to find our god!
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6. |
saint chaz
15:17
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lift us up, our devotion, and paint our bodies golden. smother us in arrogance, and lift the chains off canaan's wrist.
love us all, love more than me, and love this world too small to see. your call may be deafening, but we won't know unless you speak.
lift us up, sweet cherubim, and drape my bones in amethyst to protect me from drunkenness and lift the bottle from my clenched fist.
blessed be the cross, and blessed be the gun. blessed be the father and blessed be his blood. blessed be the blood-clot he fashioned our fragile bodies from, and blessed be the cancer he sent to bring us home. blessed be the disciples, fear breeds conviction, and blessed be the apostles, silence speaks in tongues. blessed be the sickness he kissed into my bones, and blessed be the blood-clot our bodies sprang up from.
watch you now, you ophanim- the nimble feet of jesus! watch you now, you authorities- the twitching of our nimble bodies! sing along, you broken strings and groove your hips in cacophony! sing along you broken strings! sing along, you thomases until your fevers rise again! sing along you thomases!
lift up your chalices to the body, the blood, and the bones i have to move to make a fist. lift up your chalices to the father the son, and the holy spirit
you holded my heart in your robotic hands, you holded it so tight until the wires unwound and your body collapsed, and you disappeared from my sight.
you lifted me up, but i never left the ground. the floor just gave out, and i was lying there on a cloud.
i can still feel his touch in the hands of the girl that i love.
i found a new god, it's us.
i can still feel his touch in the hands of the friends that i love.
i found a new god, it's us.
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7. |
march epilogue
02:26
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goodnight, orange sky.
i’ll see u the next time i close my eyes.
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sean thornton Queens, New York
22 they/them nyc
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