i'm reaching for my phone and opening the camera as i head inside to get my next drink, say some inane shit and laugh at myself before i find a drink and relocate everyone else. today is the last day of the longest week of my life. today is the last day of the longest year of my life, and i'm so fucked up that i can't talk, been in pennsylvania for the last four useless months. i covered myself in glitter because i wanted to be loved tonight i covered myself in glitter because i at least wanted to look lovable tonight, so i'll lay down on the lawn, throw a fist in my palm, and i will hold down my skirt so it doesn't roll up, and you won't see any scars, and when i wake up, i'll get my nose swabbed and then move back to new york. today is the last day of the longest week of my life. today is the last day of the longest year of my life... and i know that i'd start crying if i saw myself now at 17. two years ago, i was happy—in love and in love with the world surrounding me. she said "tell me he's ok, you know that i still care about him." "tell me he's ok, you know that i still care about him." "tell me he's ok, you know that i still care about him." she used a capital h, because it will never happen, capital h, o! it will never happen, "tell me he's ok, you know i deserve it" capital h, yeah, you know i deserve it. capital h, my baby called me a man. today is the last day of the longest year of my llife. today is the last day of the longest week of my life. i don't know where i am when i wake up. i haven't been happy in so long, jesus christ. today is the last day of the longest year of my life.