"last year you were still 18 and i still thought I could be a boy"

when i saw you, you were as big as a smokestack, ("I have not been doing anything...")
and i felt small, as if i were a man, ("worthy!")
like my dad watching mass on tv, oh lord,
exorcise me , pennsylvania dream!

the splits in my love line, and the faintness of my fate,
i'll no longer hold out my palms and wait for you to redeify me,
still, when it all settles in, in a year or two or three,
i will want you to be proud to've held me!

I want a love big enough to contain me (steady!),
I want something so big, it could hold me steady!
I want a love big enough to contain me (steady!),
I want something so big, it could hold me,

I want something to own me,
and I want something to hold me and tell me it's all transitory!
I want that great wide everything to throw me down on its bed and fuck me!
choke me hard! choke me entirely,
and feed me a warmth to live inside for the next four (or twenty-six) awful months of my life.

(compress me and tonicize me, and call me your baby as you fuck me)

("I have not been doing anything... worthy of that... I have been doing lesser things, i haven't been memorizing scripture...)

last summer, the earth was warm and balmy,
and everybody smoked cigars,
I dug my feet into the mud,
before I slipped from your skin,
o,warm and dead and dry ,
ferris wheel sunset now february sunrise ,

and I saw you again, last night and the night before,
but I’ll admit your face has changed,
I’m not sure what you look like anymore,
still, I’ll dream and I’ll dream,
until there's nothing left of your face,
oh, it's just blue light, a power, and nothing.
august forever

(can't you see who you're hurting?)

I want a love that could kill me,
I want a love where i can't see to the other side,
could I be perfect forever if you fucked me hard and choked me always?
could I look thru your eyes as you look down at me?
could then I be small the way you know I’ve longed to be?
I’ll stop scratching at the screen door...

(night falls in my room,
maybe it was more than love but it fell just like all the others do)

(so I sit and) pick at my skin like it's styrofoam,
march-april dyed the grass yellow,
but it's been months since I’ve seen any snow!

don't expect things to change when they won't
don't expect things to change when you won't wait for anything or displace any of that agency, yeah, oh, baby...